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Handbook of Experiential Learning...
Giving Repair Advice
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Whether expert or novice each of us gives relationship repair advice and probably each of us seeks it from time to time from friends and sometimes from therapists. Here are a few situations that call for repair. Can you use what you’ve read about here (as well as your own experiences, readings, observations, and so on) to explain what is going on in these situations? What repair advice would you give to each of the people in these situations?
- Friends and Colleagues. Mike and Jim, friends for 20 years—had a falling out over the fact that Mike supported another person for promotion over Jim. Jim is resentful and feels that Mike should have given him his support; this would have secured Jim’s promotion and raise, which Jim and his large family could surely use. Mike feels that his first obligation was to the company and chose the person he felt would do the best job. Mike feels that if Jim feels this way and can’t understand or appreciate his motives, then he no longer cares to be friends. Assuming that both Mike and Jim want the friendship to continue or will at some later time, what do you suggest Mike do? What do you suggest Jim do?
- Coming Out. Tom, a junior in college—recently came out as gay to his family. Contrary to his every expectation, they went ballistic. His parents want him out of the house and his two brothers refuse to talk with him. In fact, they have now come to refer to him only in the third person and then with derogatory hate speech. Assuming that all parties will be sorry at some later time if the relationship is not repaired, what would you suggest Tom’s mother and father do? What do you suggest Tom’s brothers do? What do you suggest Tom do?
- Betraying a Confidence. Pat and Chris have been best friends since elementary school and even now, in their twenties, speak every day and rely on each other for emotional and sometimes financial support. Recently, Pat betrayed a confidence and told several mutual friends that Chris had been having emotional problems and had been considering suicide. Chris found out and no longer wants to maintain the friendship; in fact, Chris refuses to even talk with Pat. Assuming that the friendship is more good than bad and that both parties will be sorry if they don’t patch up the friendship, what would you suggest Pat do? What do you suggest Chris do?
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