Applying the Axioms
The principles of interpersonal communication discussed in this chapter also provide insight into a number of practical issues. How would you use the axioms to describe what is happening in each of the following situations? These scenarios are, of course, extremely brief and are written only as aids to stimulate you to think more concretely about the axioms. Note too that the objective is not to select the one correct axiom (each scenario can probably be described by reference to several axioms) but to make use of an opportunity to think about the axioms in reference to specific situations.
- A couple, together for 20 years, argues constantly about the seemingly most insignificant things—who takes the dog out, who does the shopping, who decides where to go to dinner, and so on. It has gotten to the point where they rarely have a day without argument and both are seriously considering a separation.
- Pat and Chris are a couple who hurt each other regularly. When one makes a negative comment, the other responds with an even more negative comment which is followed by a still more negative one, and so on. This frequently results in extremely serious conflicts. On the hand, when things are good, they are very good.
- In the heat of a big argument, Harry said he didn’t want to see Peggy’s family ever again. “They don’t like me, and I don’t like them,” he said. Peggy reciprocated and said she felt the same way about his family. Now, weeks later, there remains a great deal of tension between them, especially when they find themselves with one or both families.
- Grace and Mark are engaged to be married and are currently new executives at a large advertising agency. Recently, Grace made a presentation, which was not received positively by the other members of the team. Grace feels that Mark—in not defending her proposal—created a negative attitude and actually encouraged others to reject her ideas. Mark says that he felt he could not defend her proposal because others in the room would have believed his defense was motivated by their relationship and not by his positive evaluation of her proposal. He concluded it was best to say nothing.
- Margo has just taken over as vice president in charge of sales for a manufacturing company. Margo is extremely organized and refuses to waste time on nonessentials. In her staff meetings, she is business only. Several top sales representatives have requested to be assigned to other VPs. Their reason: they feel she works them too hard and doesn’t care about them as people.
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