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Chapter 12 |
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These Ask Yourself... items are designed to suggest situations for which you need to assess your communication options and then select the option you think best. In this they are like all communication situations, each requiring a thorough assessment of options and then a reasoned selection of the option deemed most likely to succeed.
Allow the situations depicted here to suggest alternative situations, perhaps even actual ones in which you participated, and ask yourself what you might do (or might have done) in these other situations as well.
Although these items are grouped into the 12 chapters of Messages and are arranged in about the same order as the topics discussed in the text, don’t restrict your analysis to the concepts and principles of that chapter. As in life, use all the information you have to help you make the more reasonable decision.
ASK YOURSELF... Projecting Confidence
You’re joining a new company and want to project the image of a truly confident (but not cocky) analyst. Ask yourself: What kinds of verbal and nonverbal messages will help you project this image?
ASK YOURSELF... Losing Relationship Power
After reading about the principle of less interest, you realize that you’re the person with the greater interest in preserving the relationship and that’s the reason you have little power in your relationship. You’re not happy with this imbalance in power. Ask yourself: What can you do (or do you think nothing can be done) to redress this lop sided power imbalance?
ASK YOURSELF... Empowering Others
A close friend is going to an important job interview dressed totally inappropriately and asks “How do I look?” Ask yourself: What are some of the things you can say to empower and bolster your friend’s self-esteem but also to change clothes?
ASK YOURSELF... Taking a Position
Your close friend John is from a high power distance culture and can’t get himself to participate in class discussions especially those that involve arguing for different points of view. As a result John risks getting an extremely low grade in the course. Ask yourself: What can you say that might help John (or the instructor)?
ASK YOURSELF... Harassing Behavior
You notice that your colleague at work is being sexually harassed by a supervisor but says nothing. You bristle inside each time you see this happen. Ask yourself: What are some of things you can do (if you think you should do anything, that is) that might help end this harassment?
ASK YOURSELF... Confronting Power Plays
At work, one of your colleagues uses the power play of “yougottobekidding,” regardless of what you say. In one form or another, this colleague makes whatever you say appear inappropriate, unusable, or ill-conceived. Ask yourself: How might you phrase a cooperative response to help put an end to this pattern of unfair communication?
ASK YOURSELF... Lowering Self-Esteem
Your brother has entered a relationship with someone who constantly puts him down and has lowered his self-esteem to the point where he has no self-confidence. If this continues you fear your brother may again experience severe bouts of depression. Ask yourself: What options do you have for dealing with this problem? What, if anything, would you do?
ASK YOURSELF... Explaining an Awkward Situation
You’re at your boss’s house for dinner and are served shrimp which makes you violently ill. Ask yourself: What can you say to explain the situation and at the same time not make your boss feel bad?
ASK YOURSELF... Talking Assertively
Everyone tells you that you are unassertive and that that is the reason why you’ve been passed over for raises and promotion; you’re not perceived to have leadership potential. Ask yourself: What might you do to begin to do to make your communication more assertive?
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