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Chapter 3

Learning to Savor a Full Life, Love Life Included

Learning to Savor a Full Life, Love Life Included

This activity contains 3 questions.

	What are some of the common concerns about dating and intimacy for mentally retarded adults that were reflected in some of their questions/comments to professionals in the article?   "...how old he had to be to have sex?" "Where am I supposed to go to get my needs met?" "I don't know how to get a date, Bobra," one student called out. "So the rest of this is just garbage." "How can you get a girl to wear sexy lingerie?" "How do you stop somebody from being in such a hurry?"

	What are the advantages/rationale for providing dating and intimacy training to mentally retarded adults?   To make this population vulnerable to exploitation aware of."...birth control and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and abuse." "Far safer," Dr. Levy said, "is allowing such needs to be met in the group home, after a consent evaluation by a psychologist. That evaluation tests knowledge of birth control and disease prevention, the need to limit sexual activity to private locations, the difference between legal and illegal sexual acts and how to avoid exploitive situations." "...the goal of staff members and clients alike seems to be fostering loving and lasting relationships. to promote healthy sexuality for the seven million Americans with mental retardation and related disabilities. Now many men and women in their 20's and 30's, encouraged from childhood to be independent, expect the same when it comes to expressing their romantic and sexual needs. once you train people to think for themselves and give them a sense of promise, to not follow through is really cruel.

	What issues do mentally disabled adults face in their dating and intimate relationships?   Facing stereotypical beliefs about the mentally disable i. "A generation ago, young adults like Ms. Graham and Mr. Ruvolo were generally confined to institutions, with no expectation of a normal life." ii. "Plenty of people still believe that the answer to this is abstinence." Gaining acceptance and support from family and community. i. "Informed choice is a major theme in the field, but actual programs to support a sexual life aren't out there." ii. "...Maureen Graham's first reaction was fear when her daughter Mary Kate's social workers asked permission to teach her about dating and sex. "My eyes got wide when they said this could happen," Mrs. Graham said. But more quickly than most she saw the logic: "I always wanted Mary Kate to have as close to a normal life as possible. So how could I not want this for her, too?" Some of the same issues all couples face....jealousy; relationship misunderstandings, etc. i. "The one time their romance was in trouble - a girl "was spending too much time at Gary's house, and I didn't like it," Ms. Graham said. "they went to couples' counseling and worked it out." ii. "The theater group is where Nicole Figueroa, 26, and Jeffrey Resnick, 25, met. An on-again-off-again couple, they are now inseparable, under the watchful eye of Ms. Heisler. Again, their issue has been jealousy, since Mr. Resnick is very sociable and Ms. Figueroa has difficulty accepting his friendships with other women in their circle." "We're all trying to teach her that even if Jeffrey talks to someone else, he still loves her," said Marion Resnick, his mother..."

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