|
|
|
|
Exercise 1 1. You can, from this example, see the problems caused by using short, choppy sentences. Imagine a string of four or five of these short sentences, and you can see the tiring effect a lack of sentence variety would have on readers. Here we have revised the two simple sentences into a compound sentence: Soccer is a sport, but it isn’t extremely popular in the United States.Using the compound sentence type improves the writing in two ways. It shows skill with sentence variety, and the "but" adds information that wasn't clear before. The "but" tells the reader that these are contrasting ideas.
2. The short Velcro sentence doesn't require full sentence status, and as such it reads more like an after-thought. Here we have revised the two simple sentences into a complex sentence: As the case of Velcro demonstrates, the natural world offers tremendous insights into possible commercial product development.The revised sentence more precisely shows the relationship between the general claim and the Velcro example. The more complex the sentence, the more detailed information you will be able to present.
3. Compound sentences are good, but the nature of a compound sentence is that it presents two ideas with equal status since both sides of the coordinating conjunction feature full independent clauses. Subordination helps make these relationships clearer. Here we have revised the compound sentence into a complex sentence: Even though baseball is a key part of American history, lately the drive for profit is getting more attention than the historical aspects of the sport.The compound sentence essentially makes the two ideas equal, but the complex sentence is more precise. Instead of balanced contrasting statements, the "even though" clause adds a sense of "in spite of."
Exercise 2
Here is a sample revision:
The film crew advertised a casting call for the romantic comedy. The director and producer wanted a man and a woman in their early twenties. The stars had to be attractive, yet they could not be conventionally handsome or pretty. When the tryouts began, the director grew frustrated. The good actors looked too conventional, or the actors who looked right performed without distinction. Although the director knew that she would have to compromise her vision, she issued another casting call, and she even searched the local universities for undiscovered talent.
|