- The government is ridiculed throughout Malcolm X's "The Ballot or the Bullet" speech.
Problem: The sentence lacks energy.
Solution: Make the sentence active by simple inversion.
Malcolm X ridicules the government throughout his "The Ballot or the Bullet" speech.
- General George Patton's speeches to the D-Day troops were based on shared values of America, courage, and hatred of the Nazis.
Problem: Unnecessary use of passive.
Solution: Revise sentence with active voice.
General George Patton motivated the D-Day troops through shared values of America, courage, and hatred of the Nazis.
- More identification with the troops is established through his vivid and vulgar language.
Problem: The focus needs to be on Patton.
Solution: Revise using active voice.
He further establishes identification with his troops through his vivid and vulgar language.
- In 1942, the Czech town Lidice was razed because it was believed the townspeople had aided and abetted the murderers of a high-ranking Nazi.
Problem: The sentence unnecessarily avoids the real subject.
Solution: Revise the sentence for more energy and direction.
In 1942, the Nazis razed the Czech town Lidice because they believed the townspeople had aided and abetted the murderers of a high-ranking Nazi.
- The obstacles to love in A Midsummer Night's Dream are not created by the lovers themselves.
Problem: Unnecessary use of passive voice.
Solution: Revise using active voice.
In A Midsummer's Night Dream, the lovers themselves do not create the obstacles to love.
- In Twelfth Night, however, the obstacles to love are built by the lovers' excessive natures.
Problem: Unnecessary use of passive voice.
Solution: Revise using active voice.
In Twelfth Night, however, the lovers' excessive natures build the obstacles to love.
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