| The Writing Center at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
offers some more useful suggestions for revising. They provide specific
points to look for when revising, such as tense, voice, and verb choice.
Each point has a sample of a poorly written sentence and a revised
sentence.
One suggestion for revising is “Avoid stringing nouns together
and creating what scientist Peter Medawar describes as ‘one
huge noun-like monster in constant danger of falling apart.’
The following examples are from Commerce Business Daily:
"fluidized bed waste heat recovery system demonstration"
and "roof rock bolt bond integrity tester development."
The site provides examples of sentences labeled “Faulty”
and “Better,” including the following examples from Joseph
Williams:
Faulty: Early childhood thought disorders
misdiagnosis often occurs as a result of unfamiliarity with recent
research literature describing such conditions.
Better: Physicians unfamiliar with the literature
on recent research often misdiagnose disordered thought in young
children.
After reading the tips, scan your paper to locate potential areas
for improvement.
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