| Before | Revised | | When you walk in, the elderly sit, as if discarded, in front
of the television | When you walk in, the elderly sit in front of the television,
as if discarded.
—Tracy Hamblin, "The Old and the Restless"
| | I got to know both ladies and enjoyed spending time with them
while visiting my grandma. | While visiting my grandma, I got to know both ladies and enjoyed
spending time with them.
—Tracy Hamblin, "The Old and the Restless"
| | Nonna appeared strong and vibrant, on the other hand. | Nonna, on the other hand, appeared strong and vibrant.
—Tracy Hamblin, "The Old and the Restless"
| | Today, it is a picture perfect scene as I set foot into the
cool, murky water. | Today, as I set my foot into the cool, murky water, it is a picture perfect scene.
—Cynthia Wiles, "Mystical World"
| | Bugs, like miniature ski boats, zoom around on top of the
water. | Bugs zoom around on top of the water like miniature ski boats.
—Cynthia Wiles, "Mystical World"
| | Tiny waterfalls, waiting their turn to race downstream, line
up one after the other. | Tiny waterfalls line up one after the other waiting their turn to race downstream.
—Cynthia Wiles, "Mystical World"
| | Aunt Gladys's presents are like her stories. It's the same
damn thing, underwear, year after year. | Aunt Gladys's presents are like her stories. Year after year it's the same damn thing: underwear.
—Jeremy Trickey, "Musical Chairs"
| | Parallel parking is a dying skill, like driving a manual (stick-shift,
clutch, standard, insert your term here). | Parallel parking is, like driving a manual (stick-shift, clutch, standard, insert your term here), a dying skill.
—Doug Downs, "Accomplishments"
| | I always say, no use prolonging the inevitable. | No use prolonging the inevitable, I always say.
—Doug Downs, "Accomplishments"
| | From the way the steering wheel trembled in my white hands,
I could tell there was a serious dialogue, not about if, but how soon
The Beast was going to roll down the hill, taking place between The Beast
and The Mountain. | From the way the steering wheel trembled in my white hands, I could tell there was a serious dialogue taking place between The Beast and The Mountain, not about if, but how soon The Beast was going to roll down the hill.
—Doug Downs, "People, Stupidity, and God"
|
From Journey 1996 (Downs, Trickey, and Wiles) and Journey '97 (Hamblin), Southeast Missouri State University. |
